Shapeshifting friendships, idea theft, and disappointment
random musings on a couple of things
Today’s newsletter is like the earlier versions of A Couple of Things where I share a couple of things I’ve been thinking of recently. Sometimes, they’re related and most times they’re not. Today random thoughts are around friendships, whether someone else stole your idea, and dealing with disappointment from not achieving your goal.
Thing 1: Shapeshifting friendships
A few days ago, I was thinking about how the shape or form of friendships can change based on life situations, usually distance or a significant life transition. Most times, it’s not an intentional exclusion. It’s that way where things just happen. Or in this case, don’t happen. Last summer, I visited a bunch of my friends across the UK and spent days with them in their homes sleeping over for one or two nights. Many of them have experienced transitions and life changes: they’d just gotten married or had babies or had transitioned into a new career path or job.
I talk very often with all of them but there were things about their lives that were easier to notice up close. Things that don’t really come up in conversation. And I am also sure that it’s the same with the friends who’ve come to visit me here. There’s just minutiae of our lives and days that can’t carry over in phone conversations. No matter how many video chats and phone calls we have, no matter how many snapchat streaks, BeReals, and photos we send each other, there’s still things that will slip through the cracks. Parts of each other we won’t see and know no matter how much we want to share it. And it’s not even all long distance friendships. You could be in the same city and still experience this.
Obviously, except you’re with someone 24/7—and even then—you won’t see and know every aspect of their life. But there’s something different about the way it is now. I don’t quite know what it is yet and how to articulate it but it feels different. Many of these friends, before relocation happened, we spent hours and hours together in person. Days even. There’s something that has shifted but I don’t know what it is
Things 2: Idea convergence and the collective unconscious
One of the many—or few, depends on how you count—things I remember from my Bachelors is the idea of the collective unconscious by Carl Jung. It’s his idea that all humans have universal experiences and mental structures, things that are common to all humans. I mean when I see TikToks or Reels about some experience I thought was unique to only Nigerians from someone in India, Mexico, the UK or the US, I remember this concept.
And when I think about the thing where you have an idea and you see multiple other people working on the same thing. And you’ve never met these people or discussed anything with them or seen their work. You are just suddenly working on the same thing and exploring the same topic. As David Epstein writes1: you will be hard-pressed to find a groundbreaking creation that wasn’t simultaneously invented. This is known as “multiple discovery”. The conception, discovery, invention, and theorising of many things, from evolution to photography, oxygen to the periodic table, the transistor to the telephone are credited to multiple people.
It doesn’t only happen in science. It happens in the arts: literature, design and films.
It is rather egoistical to think that you are the only one who has ever thought of a concept, observed a possibility, come up with a design, or discovered a principle. It is juvenile to think that everyone who does something similar to what you have done is copying you or “stole your idea” or that you shouldn’t publish, launch, or do because everyone else is doing it”
On a spiritual level, especially for scientific discoveries or ideas that solve problems (no matter the kind of problem), I think that this is intentionally done by God. Many problems abound and He needs many people to be working on it and bringing forth these solutions and so He gives inspiration to people but that’s a topic for another newsletter.
Things 3: Dealing with disappointment
In my last newsletter, I talked about how many times the outcomes we desire are not entirely in our control. There are parts of it we can control and work towards but there are also things that just happen. One of the goals I set for April (which technically closed out last week) did not come to fruition. Is it disappointing that I didn’t hit the target I set? Yes. However, I don’t feel super down and bad about it because I know that I put in my best effort to the end, even when I could see that it wasn’t likely to happen. If I didn’t do that, I would have kept thinking about what could have been if I had put in extra effort.
This is why you must fight to the finish. No matter what. It is better to have done it and it not work out than to wonder whether it would have worked out. And this is what I was referring to in that newsletter The only thing I can do now is go back to the drawing board, reflect on what I could have done differently, and determine what to do next with the goal: pivot, park, proceed, or pass (this is my 4 part framework on how I deal with open goals. Might write about that in the next newsletter if you’re interested).
Disappointment doesn’t mean the end of the road. It’s just a chance to pivot.
Interesting links
The Botox Psyop | Haley Nahman @ Maybe Baby
Next-Token Predictor is An AI’s Job, Not Its Species | Scott Alexander @ Astral Codex Ten
Notes From Geology to Gastronomy | Ozoz Sokoh @ Weekend Wednesdays
Excerpt from his new book in Derek Thompson’s newsletter
Yes, re friendships - so many things we don't see in the in between! Thank you for sharing my notes x
"It is better to have done it and it not work out than to wonder whether it would have worked out." 👌🏿
Like Roosevelt says, Be the man in the arena.