Then
I was thinking of what to write to you and I found this draft in my notes. It was written about 5 years ago.
Almost every year, I have a quarter life crisis, usually predicated by an upcoming birthday. At it always stems from the being a high achiever as a child. The problem is that if you’re a precocious high achiever , you're always expected to be a high achiever. Another problem is that your achievements appear to be less weighty as you grow older.
Over the years, I often vacillated between moments of extreme self confidence that borders on narcissism and the sense that I'm not doing anything with my life and it’s all a pointless failure.
I've also always been in a hurry to move ahead. The next job, the next project, the next challenge.
In a culture obsessed with age, youth, and oldness. “The youngest person to…”, “the oldest person to…”. TIME's young xxx, Forbes 30 under 30, etc etc. Even in the 30 under 30, there is a highlighted list of the youngest ones ranging in age. There’s also the daily, mundane events like stories highlighting when older people find love to the teen and tween innovators and creative geniuses. So you have the child genius, the precocious activist, the elderly achiever, the surprise innovator, and all these stories that inspire us.
When you're young still, achieving “youngest person to …” seems more plausible than “oldest person to…” But then at some point, the tide turns and then it feels like the “youngest person” achievements are no longer possible. And you can’t sit around and wait your whole life to become the “oldest person to…”
And you’re in that middle ground wondering about your achievements and what society says about our worth.
I am fortunate to be surrounded by friends from various age groups, some are over twice my age (now that I’m older, not anymore"), many who are well established in their careers. It is a reminder that many of the people I compare myself to have had more than a couple of years advantage. On the other hand, as a result of my impatience and generally being human, it is also a reminder that I should be doing better.
The notion that I'm running out of time is frankly ridiculous because I'm 23. If I peak in this career (as a UX Researcher), it just means I have time to start a new career and face a new challenge.
Now
I don’t feel most of the angst that I felt then. For one, I no longer care about being the youngest to do anything. One could argue that I have passed the age where I can be the “youngest to do X” and that’s why it doesn’t matter to me anymore. But I also don’t particularly care for being on any of the “X under X” lists.
I only care about doing the best that I can do in whatever I put my hand to.
Last year, I wrote about having a new understanding of my identity and my purpose. And it is one of the things that have shaped my freedom from the pressure to perform or to achieve Big Thing to feel like I’m contributing to society or that I have a place here.
What I’ve been up to
I attended the UX Insights Festival, a UX research conference
I travelled to the UK primarily for a couples trip with some of my friends to the Cotswolds (a group of villages in England) (I’m thinking of making a travel guide for anyone who’s interested, let me know if you are) and also to see family and friends I haven’t seen in a while
I launched some courses and resources by myself and with my friend
A very intensive and intense discipleship programme which is stretching me beyond what I thought possible
Watching Queen Charlotte on Netflix
Love this piece! Thanks for sharing.
This really resonated with me. Well done Lade!